FRIDAY.
Went to see Ryan yesterday. Bob drove so I didn't have to take the train. Ryan had an unsettled day and had to be sedated a few times. Whilst he was not as bad as he was a few weeks ago, I was upset to see him  a little worse than I expected. In spite of everything, he still managed to give me just one, very welcome, smile.
He had a scan on his tummy where a little golf ball lump has appeared. In fact it turned out there are two lumps but the radiologist thought that they are not malignant. However she recommended further tests to make sure.
During the afternoon I became rather poorly and we had to leave earlier than planned. Once home some brandy and a few pills ensured I was able to get some sleep and I feel a bit better this morning.
I left with a strange feeling which I find it difficult to articulate.  I know he is going into the hospice on Monday with a view to getting him home as soon as possible.